Male Gym Behavior

So. These days, I am all about loosing girth. I have put on many ugly pounds of flab as a customer service agent, as “comfort food” is also not conducive to looking like Demi Moore. In pursuit of this, I signed up for FitLinxx at my local Y. I really love it, because its an instance where computers make it so I don’t HAVE to think, rather than think ten times more than I would have had to if I’d just have written down what I was doing on a piece of paper.. but I digress…..

So, I go to the gym. What I had forgotten about was Male Gym Behavior.

I used to, back in my svelte, hot and fit days, go to a “guys gym” where women were a decided minority. I loved it, because I could do 130 on a lat pulldown machine, I looked hot, and it was naughty fun to watch the biceps ripple. What I had forgotten about was the completely embarrassing behavior of some men in the gym.

First, you have the normal grunts. These are disconcerting enough, because they sound like the guy is taking a somewhat difficult dump. Then you have the preeners. These are guys who should be wearing a t-shirt that says “check me out”… one of this type is an attendant on the weekends at our gym. He stands around looking good more than he does filling the bottles of disinfectant.

Now, that’s another behavior type… the guy who won’t disinfect. This pig sweats greasy swill all over those nice new 10 grand machines and then swaggers away. The only one who pisses me off more is the one who disinfects BEFORE he uses the machine but not after. Oh, you don’t want my germs, even though I disinfect, but your’s don’t stink? Yeah, I have your number,. Mr Asshole. Next time I get ringworm from The Guy Who Won’t Disinfect touching something I forgot to disinfect, I’ll be sure to fall on you .

The worst though, is the Intentional Grunter. This is the guy who makes his 150lb leg press sound like he’s driving it home to Pam Anderson instead of Tommy. This man can be extremely embarrassing to workout around, as his eyes are always darting to see if you are responding to his primal calls for attention. He is only exceeded by one type in sheer get me out of here factor… and that type is Mr. Proud to Have a Boner. I don’t think we need to explain him.

Until next time….