For The New Mother

note : I wrote this for a friend of mine's daughter, who just had a baby boy today. Someday, I'll rework this for my own daughter. Feel free to use it for any first time mom.


(cheezy picture of a super baby)


And yes, he really is that. He is a Super Baby. they all are. you know why? Because they perform a miracle by coming into this world. Not just the miracle of life itself, but another on top of it: They force us women, and men should they choose to accept it, to become adults. I say this not to be sexist... but a man can walk away from a pregnancy not remembering what even happened to create it. A woman will, no matter what kind of parent she is, never ever forgets carrying that child in her body, whether its just a few months ending in miscarriage or termination by " choice" or, as you have now done, the whole nine yards.

You are, now and for the rest of eternity, Kingston's Mom. No matter what happens from this day forth, if you both are living or not, you are no longer Jess, but Kingston's Mom, Jess. In fact, chances are it won't be more than 2 years before you hear yourself frequently referred to "Mrs Kingston's Mom" and you will realize you have no name to these small people, except that.

This is going to change you, at your core, for better or for worse. You will, and at a fairly scary pace now, start to loose yourself to the rollercoaster of parenthood. You will stop caring about some things... and start caring about things that 5 years ago you never dreamed of even noticing. Time will distort and bend and change, you will find yourself yelling at a 6 year old boy exactly what your mother yelled at you, and one day, you will look in your own eyes on a man taller than you in a graduation cap and realize that woman in the mirror is not your mother, but you. Its going to come on fast and furious and it doesn't let up, ever.

I may be scaring you... but this is the natural way of life, more natural than any plant or herb ( I favor thyme myself ; ) or animal or action. You are now immersed in a fast and furious river and your goal is to get your child to the end of it fully whole and grown. This river WILL take the life you know out of you, but it will give you so much more than you ever could dream of.

You must be equal to the challenge. Evaluate your life and the things in it. What makes you a stronger parent? What makes you a weaker one? Some things will get washed downstream, others will keep you floating. Only you will know which is which. Sometimes the advice of the person you love the most is the worst, and the advice of someone you'd just as soon strangle right now is right. Look at them all, and weight them in your child's eyes.

Listen to your mother, Jess... and please don't stop reading here... but your mother has walked this road and will be the most valuable source of information you have when it comes to midnight colic, brands of diapers, choice of preschools, how to deal with the bullies, and is midget football ok at age 6. She will also be an invaluable friend the day that a beautiful young girl with a gleam in her eyes takes your prince away from you to start this process all over again.

Our children... yours, mine, and the other parents of minors out there, are in dangerous times in this country. Whether you sing "400 years" 'Whats so Funny about Peace Love and Understanding" or 'Proud to be an American" we all want the same things for our kids...just like Nan and Jim do for you - and that is to be happy, healthy, free and fulfilled. We just disagree on how to get there... and there are those who would see our children become their slaves. We can't let that happen. We must teach our children somehow, someway to respect the differences while celebrating the commonality, to do their best, and to love one another. Some of us find that easier with a God, some with a philosophy... but we all want the best for them.

In my mother's dying breath, she counted down where each of her children were. That was her last thought- to put herself at ease that we were safe and cared for. It is that legacy you are now entering.. the all consuming, all encompassing role of Mother.

Welcome To The Club.